Dearest Stankinuts,
I have some special news for you. No, really. I want to share it. I really do. I’m considering making a ribbon for you, or even a certificate.
Here goes. Try not to pass out before walking down the runway with your tiara topping your head.
I have noticed your shoe choice seems directly related to how desperate you are for attention. We have the type of floors, you may have noticed in your brilliant shoe planning, that are not carpeted. Nay. They are, in fact, rock solid. You know what that means. It means when you wear heels (and walk reeeeallllly fast, with your pointy nose up in the air and your mouthful of kuh-razy teeth propelling you forward), we hear you coming. We hear you click-click, or sometimes thump-thump, down the hall.
You’re the loudest person in this office.
So now the good news! WE HEAR YOU! You have been noticed.
In fact, the Office Committee for Employer Noticing has officially drafted a resolution to let your inner child know you have been really, truly, noticed.
(But please, don’t tell your inner child that when we hear you clomping down the hall, our Pavlovian response is instant nausea. But don’t tell your inner child.)
